Ready, Aim, Fire
by Cubscouter
Summary: Wow
1. Watch out

Sweaty and bleeding from her eyes, Firechan gets pushed onto the ground.

"M-Mcleatus-san?"

"Don't worry Fire, this is only a temporary job."

"I know, but... it's harder than I anticipated."

She stands up and tries to walk out but is promptly dragged back inside.

Yeetus couldn't hold back any longer.

He hugs Firechan tight and takes his sleeve off.

"Look at my watch, it glows in the dark"


	2. Firechan: Origins

One day after school, Cubz Hashvenotu opened his fridge to find that it was missing something.

It was due to this fact that he had strolled over to his grandpa's house.

He opened the door.

"Hey gramps, can I have some juice?"

Ol' Gramps cleared his throat.

"Every day after slaving away in the taco bell plant fields, young Firechan knew to go straight home. 'Don't stray from the path, my little love- or you'll get absolutely murdered and burn in heck afterwards,' her mother had said. It was supposed to be a poem but it just didn't work. Even without good rhyming Firechan did remember it well, because right after she told her mom that it was a bad poem she was sent to the torture rooms."

Those rooms are the reason she is now nicknamed Firechan."

Every single time she was thrown in there, the same meticulous Lad would put on Queen's song 'Don't Stop me Now' and leave the '100, that's why they call me Mr. Farhenheit' part on loop for hours."

Her birthday was the first time her legendary powers were witnessed. Oblivious of Firechan's painful torture, she thought she was entitled to the aux cord. She also thought that a great song to put on was Don't Mine Them Now, a Minecraft parody of Firechan's most hated song."

When the firemen arrived at the scene it looked like it was too late to save anyone. The entire house was burned down except for a small floating partition. In the midst of the chaos and smoke, they could not see Firechan hovering slightly above the fire, unconscious."

Cubz nodded politely.

"So, uh-"

"The only reason she could not have used those powers to escape when being tortured were the shackles on her hands. And that, my child, is the origin of Firechan."

Cubz, confused as an otter stuck on a roof, asked, "Well, that _definitely true story_ is pretty cool, but... I can drink your-?" "no"


	3. Juice Time

Cubz sighed as he got yeeted hard into a tree.

"Guess I'll go to Drinks World then," He said while while sliding down on headfirst.

"Hey sir you can get a Snickers chocolate for only two dolla extra."

"Nah man, I'll just take the juice, please."

"How about a gum packet? 50 cent extra." "Nah, I'll just take the juice."

The checkout man scanned his juice. Mandarin, peach, and coconut water.

"Sir, would you like to sign up for membership?"

"nAh Man, i' Ll jUSt TaKE tHe JuICE"

"Thank you, come again."

Finally out of the store, Cubz noticed a thing.

He hadn't seen it before.

A tall, white building looming over the downtown area with signs on it saying "Hotel Pastacina". He must have just missed it through his entire life living here, right?

Yes. That was completely correct. The building was a normal hotel with absolutely nothing to worry about inside it.

Cubz walked home.


	4. Hotel

**Meanwhile, in the hotel**

_Left to right.__Left to right.__Left to right.__Left right left right._

Henceforth, the portal opens.


	5. Drugged

Cubz sipped at his juice. It was good juice. Very tasty. Afterwards he felt tiredd. Veerey tirrd. so tierd that wen his mum caem bak from worj he had sunekn deep int o his bed matrss.

[log begin]

_I smell something burning.__Something tasty. Hmm.. Sausages?_

uwu

_WHAT?! WHO'S THERE?__*A cute young blonde girl's nice looking shoes step into view.__*The girl bends over to look you in the eye.__*She opens her mouth and leans into your ear and whispers._

Shut.

_What_

Gay.

_u__ smell nice_

JFC.

_*The girl left the conversation_

_*You are now alone_

_shit_[log end]


	6. A normal, carefree stroll

Even after waking up Cubz could smell that amazing scent. It was way better than the Lynx stuff his friends always had on. Plus, he had asthma, so every time he smelled Lynx he woke up in the local Emergency Room.

Having had enough of those thoughts, he decided to go outside for a bit. Y'know, have a stroll, consume some fresh oxygen. So that's exactly what he did.

Cubz walked. While he was walking, he was thinking. He thought about that girl, what biscuit flavour she might of liked (if she even existed) and if he had mishmashed her from different movie characters or something. What he didn't ask himself about was the reason his body was halfway into the ground. He didn't even realise what was happening until he couldn't breathe anymore.


	7. Cliche White Room

Hands.

Hands running all over his body.

Smoothly but roughly.

There may have also been a scalpel mixed in there.

Two of those hands grabbed a bucket and splashed water onto his face.

"Wh-" Cubz kept his eyes closed, ready for another splash.

It didn't come.

He opened his eyes.

"What?"

That girl from last night was standing in the corner, donning a lab coat with sone blodd on it. In front of him was a kid about his age. "Hi," the kid said as he lifted his fedora. "My name is really long and confusing so for the time being just call me Lad." Cubz was really confused.

He raised his hand.

Lad stared. "Yes?"

"Umm, how did I melt into the ground?"

"Oh, that's because one of our team has that power."

Cubz stared back."Power? Wait, does that girl over there have a power too?"

"You're catching on quick, buddy."

"So if I'm here... do I have a power?"

"That's what we're figuring out. Here, take this police report. It might help you remember."

"'Sound of crunching coming from 38 Cord Road.' Oh, I had another one of those- fits."

"Can you explain to me what happens during these fits?"

Cubz thought hard for a second or two.

"Nothing much, really. If I drink too much juice I start seeing my own body. My gramps tells me that it's fine, and just part of puberty. I learned in Health class thst periods are painful. Maybe I'm having periods."

Lad looked fustrated. He then closed his eyes and fell to the ground.

The girl stepped over Lad's unmoving body. She put out her hand. Cubz highfived her.

"You- You're supposed to shak-" She went back to her planned sentence. "Nice to meet you, I'm an idiot."

"What?"

"Well, most people call me Firechan."

"Hi, Firechan."

"Do you wanna know why they call me that?"

"no"

She raised her palm and a flame came bursting out.

"This is why."

"ok"

She looked around the room, and put her hand out again.

"Hey, since you're awake, wanna meet thr rest of our crew?"

"Sure, I would."

Cubz inserted his hand into hers and followed behind her. _Damn,_ he thought to himself. _She really does smell like passionfruit Mountain Dew._


	8. Cliche underwater glass tunnel

"Fire?"

"That's Chan to you. Yes?"

"How did you guys make underwater glass tunnels?"

She chuckles. "Oh, simple really. First we use some non-glass blocks to fill up the middle so no water generator blocks stay behind, then we take the gla-"

Cubz knocks against the glass, catching Fire-chan's attention. "What I meant to ask was how you even got to water in the first place. There are zero lakes or rivers in the area, and my grampa told me we were surrounded by other states on all borders. And that he wants to dig a really long tunnel to the ocean. But that's besides the point."

Fire-chan blushes a little.

"Noooo... You didn't, did you?"

Firechan covers her face, hands starting to catch fire. "I- I didn't think y- you'd catch on this fast..."

"Hey hey hey, it's alright, goi. An underground sewer system as a secret base is okay with me."

She looks up, her face covered with steam droplets. "Really?"

"Yeah, I'd even go as far to say that it's quite cool."

"Well then," She straightens her back, "I guess we'll have to advertise it like that then."

"Advertise what?"

"The detective agency, of course. What else?"

"That's... not really what I had in mind."

She glares back at Cubz. "Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers."

After those words she angrily uwus and returns walking.

Cubz sighs and follows, but not before muttering to himself, "I thought we were having steamed clams..."


	9. Meeting new uncliche powers

After an eternity of running Cubz finally catches up to Firechan, who seems to be focusing on something.

"What... *cough* wha are you doing?"

Firechan looks up at Cubz and states simply, "Security."

Cubz takes a couple more steps. He leans over to check out the situation.

Firechan rubs her eyes. "It was supposed to be a simple key to get in. Ya know, one of those three question things." She twirls the end of her hair and glances over at Cubz. "The thing is... I forgot what I set as my favorite game."

_Now is the time for me to prove myself! _"Um, your most liked game is Nintendo Fortnite."

Firechan closes her eyes and raises a single flaming hand. Startled, Cubz quickly backs away.

"What did you just say?"

Stressed out beyond measure, Cubz melts and absorbs himself into nothingness.

After an eternity of running, Cubz finally catches up to Firechan who seems to be focusing on a tablet.

"Hey! H *cough* ey. What just happened?"

Firechan looks up at Cubz and says, "I have a sort of Deja Vu feeling about this situation."

"I think I reset... something, somehow."

Firechan squints her eyes accusingly at Cubz. "Now why would you want to go back in time? Did you do something lewd to me?'

"Nonono... NO! I would never do that to you..."

Firechan raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms.

"Well, maybe I would do that. But I didn't, okay?"

"Oh, I DEFINITELY believe you. But take m-"

Cubz implodes.

After quite a long time of running, Cubz catches up to Firechan.

"Somehow, I knew you would arrive at this time."

Cubz points at the tablet she is holding. "Watcha got there?"

Cogs turn in her mind as she tries to remember if this has happened before.

Cubz puts a hand on her shoulder. "What's troubling you?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it. What I have in my hands, however, is a security test. But..." She twirls her hair and looks at Cubz. "I seem to have forgotten what I set as my favorite game."

_Don't mess it up... don't mess it up..._

"It's Splatoon 2, right?"

Firechan's eyes brighten. "That's it! That's my favorite game! I haven't played it that much recently, but I did meet a lot of cool people through it. Man, I just love the feeling of covering another kiddo with my ink." She pauses. "That's what she said."

Cubz snickers. "Well, enter it in, then."

Firechan gleams, remembering some good times. "Alright. S-P-L-A-T-O-N-2. Aaaand... open sesame!"

The door stays shut.

"Open... sunflower!"

The door stays shut.

Cubz gets her attention with a touch.

"Er, you forgot an O."

Firechan laughs and lightly facepalms. After re-entering the code, the door opens just fine.

"Okay, it's time for you to meet the crew OKAY GUYS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING"

Shocked by the scenery in front of him, Cubz falls straight into the floor. His last thought before blacking out is d_amn it, not this again._

Oh! Oh, sorry, he doesn't actually black out this time. Firechan, putting her quick reflexes to action, pulls him right out of the ground and back inside his body.

"Cubz! Cubz, you good? It's okay now, they have their clothes back on."

"D-d-d-d- They were- She was [REDACTED] him- He [REDACTED] her- what even was that position- ? What!?"

She looks reassuringly into his eyes. "As I said, don't worry. They have their clothes back on now."

Cubz calms down and relaxes into her arms. "Do you guys have Capri Sun?"

Now seated in five chairs, Cubz, Firechan and three other adolescents gather around a table.

Cubz slowly raises his hand, grabs a knife and cuts some cheese to put on a cracker.

The blonde guy breaks the silence. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that mate."

"Us two were just... kinda bored, I guess." Another one of the strangers, the long purple haired guy this time.

Cubz couldn't even say a word. He WAS calm, but nothing could unshock him from the mental scars he just acquired.

He slowly turns around to the sound of footsteps and dragging plastic.

A girl with light brown hair neatly plonks her seat down. She brings out a Capri Sun.

"Umm... Firechan said to give these to you."

Cubz gladly accept the drink. After sipping on some, he finally feels able to talk.

"Hey there, I'm Cubz Hashvenotu."

The four strangers continue to look at you.

"What? Is that a strange name?"

"No, sir. What we are waiting for is your power." Said the very tall guy wearing a trench coat in a very unusually deep voice. I don't know why I called him an adolescent. Don't blame me, I'm just the narrator, not the writer. (Writer's note: shut up.)

_Should I hide it?... Man, I don't want to get in trouble or anything... _"Well, you all saw it. My ability is melting into the floor."

After a little whisper meeting to the side with Firechan, they seemed to be satisfied with Cubz's answer.

"Well mate, nice to meet you. I'm a true blue Australian legend. The name's Trevor. My secret power is that I'm a hermaphrodite." _How is that even a power?! _Cubz shakes his stuck out hand anyways.

"Nice to meet you, too. I've been to Australia once. It was sort of too dry for me."

Trevor chuckles. "Mate, you've never seen dry until you've seen the inside of my [REDACTED]." _This guy... _

Cubz turns to the purple haired dude. "How about you?"

"I'm Daniel McGubbins. You COULD call me Dee McGee if you want. Well, my ability is being able to sneeze really hard."

"...Isn't that painful?"

"Nah, nah. Just... I lose quite a lot of blood through nosebleeds sometimes. Those are painful." _I don't really see the difference here..._

Cubz sighs, just about out of energy. "How about you?"

The girl jumps, clearly losing her train of thought. "Um, umm.. Can you come back to me later please? I really can't think of anything and if I can't think of anything I was told that I shouldn't speak, or, like, there would be no point to saying anything because I wouldn't be stating a point, and then I would be talking for absolutely no reason, so I would like to come back to me after a little while please please please?"

"sure"

The girl instantly switches back to thinking.

"Well then, this must be my cue to introduce myself, then." Cubz turns his head to find the user of the unusually deep voice.

"My name? I don't have one. This is due to my power. My power itself is that I am three small children wearing a trench coat. That is not all, but the other parts to my power I would not like to reveal to you as of now."

Cubz nods. _I thought he was a bit strange looking.__ His nose and moustache did look quite out of place on that smooth face. _

"I will, however, reveal one of my names to you to ponder. That name is Karl Lenin." He stands up and begins to walk out of the room.

Suddenly, the girl screams and falls down.

Cubz runs over and catches her before she hits the ground. Firechan makes a tsk sound.

"She's seizing! Hey, anyone got a phone? We gotta call a firetruck or something!"

Firechan strolls over with a look on her face. "Well, first, it's usually an ambulance you call for those kinds of situations. Secondly, this is her power."

"What? Having seizures is her power? Isn't that just having epilepsy?"

Trevor laughs in Australian. "Mate, it isn't exactly what it looks like. She's actually having a conversation with a client."

Cubz looks in amazement at her. "So she's a clairvoyant!" _Oh cool, finally a power I can get behind! Talking to ghosts could be really helpful for murder mysteries._

Karl bends his unusally long back over to tie his bootlaces. "She's having a conversation with a client on Facetime, that is."

_God._

_Damn it._

She wakes up. "Guys, there's been a robbery. And not just any robbery, another one of THOSE."

Firechan runs her hand through her hair. It takes a while. "Looks like we have a job to do. Roll out, Detection Detectives."

"That's... actually a great name."

"Please don't compliment me so much."

"Why?"

"It... it makes me blush."

_Dang, now I feel bad for making that dry joke. Hope you have a nice birthday. 3_

"A-anyways, I said roll out! Come on, let's go!"


End file.
